


Let it all out

by rebecca_rose



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Chan is a good leader, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Sexual Frustration, Smut, When will these boys get their shit together, probably bad medical advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:55:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29054754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebecca_rose/pseuds/rebecca_rose
Summary: Felix is stressed. Chan lends a hand.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 19
Kudos: 327





	Let it all out

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in 84 years because of reasons. This is NOT my best. I wrote this today to prove to myself that I could. And here I am! Enjoy.
> 
> Not related to "in chan's bunk" series. Chan and Felix aren't together in this one... not yet ;)
> 
> Also, why do my fics require me to kick all the other SKZ members out of the dorm? Maybe because every apartment I've ever lived in has paper-thin walls? Hmmm.

It was an unfortunate consequence of his over-affection for Felix that Chan worried about his stress level to the extent that he did, allowing it to bleed into his own stress until his stomach was wound tight and his head pounded with headaches late into the night.

All stress was normal -- an unstressed idol was an unemployed idol. When any of the guys felt it Chan would worry, racking his brain for solutions. More sleep? Meditation? A pressure-free talk while walking along the Han river? But he trusted the boys, all of whom had grown into adults capable of regulating their own emotions. At a certain point, a leader has to take a step back and allow those under his care to care for themselves.

Still, Felix’s stress had an uncanny way of becoming Chan’s stress, and it ate at him. It _especially_ ate at him when Felix refused to talk about it, saying he didn’t want to worry Chan. He almost seemed a little embarrassed, and Chan couldn’t stop thinking about _why_. The group’s resident angel was a bit less than angelic these days, his temper shortening day by day until he snapped at Jisung for yelling too loudly at the TV.

“ _Sorry, Lixie, didn’t mean to be so loud. Are you… are you okay?_ ” Jisung’s eyes were wide, glancing sideways at Chan where he sat on the other end of their long couch. All three of them had been watching some drama they didn’t understand, trying to piece together the plot but not having much luck. Felix was cuddling a pillow close, watching quietly, and had seemed okay up until he suddenly had enough.

“ _Ugh. I’m fine. I’m just… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it._ ” He scrubbed the heels of his palms across heavy eyes. “ _I_ _think I’m tired. I’m gonna lie down._ ” Chan and Jisung silently watched him go. There was a short pause once the bedroom door had closed, then Jisung sighed.

“ _He’s been like that all week. But he won’t tell me what’s up._ ” He looked over at Chan, curiosity open in his expression. _“Did he tell you? You don’t have to tell me, I just wanna be sure he’s okay_.”

“ _He hasn’t told me,”_ said Chan, frowning at the bedroom door like it was withholding something. “ _Not yet._ ” He took a deep breath, considering his approach. Felix sometimes got himself trapped in his own head, thoughts circling back into themselves like a snake eating its own tail. Success lay in diverting the thoughts so they could come to their natural end, bringing Felix out gently and carefully until he was back in reality, blinking at daylight and smiling at Chan with a _thanks, hyung_ on his pretty lips.

Normally, Felix would come to Chan for help long before reaching the point of anger. After a day of dark thoughts, he’d seek out the leader with slumped shoulders and a cute little frown, and the whole thing would be solved in time for dinner. The fact that he’d been stewing over something for a week or more without confiding in anyone was worrisome. 

What on earth could be bothering Felix? What wouldn’t he want to talk to Chan about?

 _Am_ I _the problem? Oh God, is it_ me _he’s upset about?_

He shook his worries out and stood. The dorm was quiet except for the TV; everyone else was still at the company practicing. They’d be home soon, so Chan had to figure this out quickly. Before he reached the door, Jisung turned the TV off.

 _“I’m gonna go for a walk, grab some food. I figured…”_ He trailed off, eyes meeting Chan’s, who just nodded and gave him a quiet _thank you_. Felix needed privacy for these moments. It wasn’t easy for him to let people into his head, where he felt perfectly alone and safe. Chan always felt honored to be allowed in.

“Felix?” He cracked the door and peeked in. There was a lump of blankets and pillows and fluffy blonde hair on Felix’s bed. “Can I come in?”

There was silence, then, “Is Jisung mad at me?” There was a scratchiness in his voice and a phlegmy sniffle. He’d been crying. Chan’s heart tilted, squeezed painfully. Seeing any of the kids cry was hard for Chan, but he had long since accepted that Felix was different, special. He tried not to let it affect him, but the fact was that Chan’s heart was weak for those freckles, that beautiful smile, the caring, loving soul.

“No, of course not. Besides, you apologized. He knows you’re stressed out.” He closed the door behind him and sat on the bed, staring down at the top of Felix’s head and wondering if he should pat it, play with his hair. He could be too sensitive, still. “He doesn’t know why, though. I mean. I don’t either. Wanna talk about it?”

Felix sighed, and the lump of blankets moved. Hands emerged, then arms. He sat up and his comforter fell away, revealing narrow shoulders. He was wearing one of Chan’s shirts, swimming in it, really. His hair floated wildly around his face, and his eyes were reddened, wet.

“I can’t really talk about it,” he said hesitatingly. “I didn’t mean to take it out on anyone else. It’s kind of… personal.” He wouldn’t meet Chan’s gaze, staring down at his hands instead.

“Okay,” said Chan in his Calm Leader voice. “That’s okay. You can keep stuff private if you want. But you know how it affects the group. And you know the group is here to support you, as well. You can lean on us, no matter what’s wrong.” _You can lean on_ me _,_ he thought with only a little greed in his heart. _I’m always here_.

Felix laughed, but it sounded bitter rather than happy. “Trust me, you don’t want me to ‘lean on you’ for this.”

“How can I know that if you don’t tell me what it is?”

Felix groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was flushing, ears turning red.

“Just… seriously. It’s personal.”

Chan paused, assessing the nervousness pervading the room. “Is it a… health… thing? Like, a personal, private… health. Thing?” Suddenly he was blushing, too. He was prepared for pretty much every possible issue within Stray Kids _except_ this.

“...Yeah. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but… yeah. I’m just _frustrated_ , I guess,” Felix mumbled. He was twisting his fingers together, chewing on his bottom lip and still avoiding eye contact. “It’s making me easily upset. I’m sorry.”

Chan took a deep breath, trying to calm a buzzing across his skin that he didn’t care to examine. “Okay, let’s get this straight. You’re having a, uh, masturbation problem?”

“ _Hyung!”_ Felix whined, pulling the blankets up to hide his face. “Don’t say it, it’s embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing embarrassing about it, Lix,” he said, though he felt the warmth flooding his face, too. “It’s not like the rest of us don’t do it.” When living in close quarters with seven other guys, the only course of action was to assume it was happening behind closed doors and, if you heard anything, to pretend you hadn’t. It wasn’t something Chan thought about, obviously, as he’d rather ignore any mental images of the guys masturbating.

If he sometimes imagined _Felix_ masturbating, well. That could just stay a secret. Sometimes Chan pretended it was a secret he kept even from himself, like he could wish it out of existence if he tried hard enough.

Talking to Felix, face to face, about his “masturbation problem” was _not_ part of the plan.

When Felix didn’t respond, Chan just powered through the awkwardness. This was his duty as leader. “What exactly is the issue? Maybe you could talk to a doctor?”

Felix lowered his blankets, cheeks red. “Um, I already did. Last weekend, when I went for that checkup. It didn’t… I mean, I got some advice, but.”

Chan waited, but Felix’s words ran dry.

“Advice for… ?”

Felix drew a deep breath, held it for a second.

“I can’t finish.”

The flood of mental imagery, the kind Chan had carefully filed away in the “DO NOT OPEN” folder in his head, came unbidden. This time, with a twist: the end was Felix groaning in frustration, not relief. Forehead sweating, abs clenching, one hand with a tight grip on his hot, twitching, rock-hard--

“Oh,” he managed to say before his mouth entirely dried up. “How long?”

“Like, two weeks. A few days longer, maybe.”

“Two weeks??” Chan couldn’t even imagine. No wonder he snapped. Even a guy with low sex drive would be a wreck after trying and failing for two weeks. “Jesus. Well, what did the doctor say?”

“He said it’s stress, or something. I think he meant that I’m overthinking it, and kind of getting in my own way.”

If anyone could overthink an orgasm, it’d be Felix.

“What was his advice? Stop thinking? I don’t know if that’s possible for you,” Chan said, venturing a small smile to lighten the mood despite the heavy thumping of his heart. Felix saw, but his pouty lips stayed downturned.

“He basically recommended… getting help. Like, if someone else did it, it would get past all my thoughts. Or I wouldn’t be able to anticipate what happens next, so…” He shrugged. Under the blankets his knees came up, and he hugged them close to his chest. “Obviously I can’t do that, so I’m not sure what else to try. The internet has been no help at all.”

“I mean, you _could_. You can’t continue like this, it can’t be healthy for you. If it would fix the problem…” Chan tried and tried to ignore the bubbling jealousy threatening to bloom in his chest. The thought of somebody touching Felix like that…

Felix looked up, eyebrows raised. “That doesn’t seem smart, _hyung_ ,” he said, a little uncertain. “I can’t just go out and ask people to jack me off.”

“Well, no, obviously not like _that_. But if there’s somebody you know, and trust, and are attracted to… somebody who would keep it a secret…” Chan thought back -- had Felix mentioned anybody? Let his eyes linger a little longer than usual on some other idol? Someone who would understand discretion, of course.

“Well,” Felix started. He was still blushing. “There’s someone. But I can’t really ask him.”

 _There’s someone? Him???_ The jealousy was at a full rolling boil. Chan had to swallow it down, hard.

“Why not?” He tried to imagine the kind of guy Felix would like. The kind of guy Felix would go to, saying, _“I’m having trouble getting off, wanna help?”_ Who on Earth was good enough to deserve that?

“It’s a secret,” Felix said. It was almost a whisper. He was receding into his thoughts again, and Chan panicked a little.

 _Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t fucking say it you stupid idiot_ \--

“What about me?”

It surprised both of them, and there was silence for a long moment. Before Felix could say anything, Chan tried desperately to take it back.

“Fuck. Sorry. I meant...”

“You would do that for me?” Felix didn’t sound disgusted, or horrified, or even just upset. He sounded, to Chan’s straining ears, a little curious. A little positive, a little relieved. His expression was wary, though.

“Of course,” Chan said before he could think better of it. “I would do anything for you.”

He seemed to consider this. Felix, of course, would know it was true. Chan had proven over and over how seriously he took his role as leader, just how much he would sacrifice for the team.

“I don’t want you to do anything that would gross you out, or make you uncomfortable. I mean that’s, like, sexual harassment. Or assault, I don’t know.”

“God, you wouldn’t be assaulting me, Felix. I’m _offering_ . I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to help.” _Careful, don’t say too much_ …

Felix rubbed the side of his face with one hand, sighing heavily. “I’m so desperate that I’m saying yes, I guess,” he said. “I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t get off soon.”

That helped temper the wildness in Chan’s heart. _He’s desperate, that’s why. Don’t take advantage. Just do what needs to be done, and don’t let it get weird afterward. That’s all this is_.

“Okay, great,” he said. The steadiness in his own voice gave him courage. “Is now okay? I think everyone is still out.”

“Now, please,” breathed Felix, kicking the blankets down to the foot of his bed. He pulled his shirt ( _Chan’s shirt_ ) up to his stomach and shoved the front of his sweats down to reveal his underwear. He was already hard, straining against damp cotton. Chan’s head started to go a little fuzzy, and he broke out in a sweat. It happened so fast, from zero to a hundred in a blink of the eye. One second Felix was just 'frustrated', the next he was wet and hard and ready to go.

“Felix, we should talk about this first. About limits, what I can and can’t do, you know…”

Felix shook his head firmly, scattering his long hair across his face. “I don’t care, you can do anything, just please do _something_.” He was breathing heavy, mouth open, pupils blown wide and dark.

 _You can do anything_. Dangerous words. Chan halted those thoughts with a firm, imaginary finger wag and pulled himself fully onto the bed until he was straddling Felix’s knees.

“Ready?”

“Please, _please_ …” The desperation in his voice was palpable. Chan could almost taste it, a musky sweetness on his tongue. With trembling hands he pulled the damp underwear down until Felix’s hard cock popped out, slapping against his stomach and leaking a drop of precum there.

They both groaned: Felix in relief, Chan in maddening lust.

“If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna cry,” said Felix, eyes shut tight.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured. “Gonna get you there, I promise.” Felix’s eyes snapped open. Chan was taken aback by the emotion in that gaze -- there was a deep trust hidden somewhere behind the distress. Chan promised, and Felix believed him.

“I’m gonna touch you now,” he said, as much to warn himself as to warn Felix. But he didn’t. His hand didn’t even reach out. He just looked at Felix’s heaving chest, his twitching hips, his achingly hard cock. _Where the hell do I start_?

“Maybe,” said Felix in a small voice. “Maybe it would help if you kissed me?”

It was at that moment that Chan realized, in shocking clarity, the likelihood that this was a dream. He’d had dreams like this before. He’d had dreams _way_ dirtier than this, yet somehow this felt like the dirtiest thing that had ever occurred in human history.

_Well, if it’s a dream, I might as well…_

He leaned in, feeling Felix’s erection brush against his stomach as those gorgeous eyes fell heavy. They bumped noses gently, affectionately, before closing the distance to kiss. It was slow, almost chaste, and sweet as honey. Unable to pull away, Chan pressed kiss after kiss against those soft, yielding lips, until Felix was moaning deep in his throat like he couldn’t help it.

“How’s that?” he whispered, pulling to one side to drop kisses against his cheek, his jaw. Pressing kisses firmly against the column of Felix’s neck made him shudder, swallow hard, and (to Chan’s horror and delight) whimper.

“Good,” he said finally. “Feels good…” He brought his arms up around Chan’s shoulders, holding him there, sharing his body heat. Feeling bold, Chan reached one hand down, dragging his palm purposefully down the shirt over his chest, down his bare stomach, brushing against the wet head of his cock.

Another whimper. A _whimper_ , for God’s sake. 

_I’m not going to survive this. This is what will kill me. Not a bad way to go, I guess._

With his face still pressed to Felix’s shoulder, he wrapped his hand around the dripping hardness. It felt excitingly unfamiliar, smaller than his own, jumping and twitching against his palm.

“Ah! Your hand’s… big,” said Felix weakly. Chan twisted his grip up and down slowly, focusing on rubbing at the tip with each pass. He didn’t squeeze too tight, or move too fast -- in the back of his mind he knew how desperate Felix must be, but he didn’t want it to be over so fast. What if this fixed the problem, and Felix never needed his help again? What if this was a one-time thing?

 _Don’t be selfish_ , he chided himself. _The whole point is to fix the problem._ Steadily, firmly, he pulled him closer and closer, imagining what it must feel like, the pleasure coursing through singing veins.

Felix’s breath was coming faster and faster, shallow gasps that punched out of him with each pump of Chan’s hand. His chest pitched up against Chan’s, and before he knew it they were kissing again. This time wasn’t so chaste; Chan plunged his tongue in Felix’s mouth, and they both groaned low and dirty at the sensation.

“Felix,” said Chan, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“Hnng, getting close…” 

Chan had mercy and picked up the pace. He could feel Felix’s body winding up, abdomen clenching, hands gripping wildly at Chan’s shoulders, and then--

“Fuck, no no no… please…” There was a shudder through his whole body like he was cumming, but he stayed hard, stayed leaking precome but nothing more. Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes. “No, why? Why won’t it work?” He was almost sobbing, and it tore at Chan’s thudding heart.

“Shh, just wait a second, sweetheart,” he said without thinking. “We’ll keep trying, don’t worry.” Felix sniffled, catching his breath. He was red down to his chest, tears tracking down his cheekbones onto the sheets. “Can I try, uh,” he said, scratching at the back of his neck with his clean hand. “Using my mouth?” He felt Felix’s poor, hard cock twitch and couldn’t help smiling. 

“That was a ‘yes’, by the way,” said Felix. Finally he smiled, too. It was unsteady, uneven on one side, but it was a smile, and Chan took it as a small victory.

“Ever done this before? Or, I mean, has anybody done this to you?”

Felix shook his head shyly. “Never really done anything,” he admitted. “Except kissing. A little bit.”

“Okay,” said Chan, trying not to let Felix see how it affected him. “I think you’ll like it.” They both giggled but the sound belied nervousness. Moving down the bed a little and leaning in, Chan first pressed a kiss right above Felix’s belly button, feeling the muscles jump. He smiled against the soft skin there. 

_Definitely a dream. Best one so far, that’s for sure…_

Before he could lose his nerve he dropped down and mouthed at the head of Felix’s cock. He gripped those narrow hips hard, keeping them pressed firm against the mattress. It had been a long time since he’d done this, and he wasn’t fully confident that he wouldn’t choke. Saliva filled his mouth at the taste, sharp and masculine, musky and deep, and he allowed it to drip down the shaft and wet the trimmed black hair at the base. Slowly he sucked every last inch in until the head poked at his throat, and only at the sound of Felix’s surprised gasp did he pull up again and take a breath.

“Oh my God, that’s… that feels…” The words floated in the air around them, sparking hot on bare skin. Chan didn’t reply; he sunk down again and again, sucking hard against his palate and bringing one hand up to rub gently at Felix’s balls, which were pulled tight to his body. Maybe it was all in his head, but they felt too full and heavy: two weeks worth, perhaps, and it was Chan’s job to coax it out.

He lost himself in it for a minute -- the taste, the smell, the silky wetness flooding his tongue, the knowledge of exactly what he was doing and just how filthy the whole situation was -- and didn’t escape the cloudy lust in his head until there were small, hesitant hands resting on his hair, threading into the fuzzy curls. Not pulling, just grabbing gently, carefully.

“ _Channie-hyung_ ,” Felix moaned, and it sounded less like his name (which he heard Felix say every day, anyway) and more like _God, fuck, please, take me_. His hand moved of its own volition, from Felix’s balls down lower, rubbing just below at his perineum. Sometimes the prostate could be stimulated from there, and he hoped, God, he hoped.

“Oh, fuck! Fuck, there, there there _right there_ !” Once more Felix’s whole body tensed, clenched, curling in on itself, hard cock stiffening in Chan’s mouth just enough, and then the hands in his hair pulled _hard_ \--

And then he was cumming, gasping for air with the desperation of a drowning man, legs thrashing, back arching off the bed, and he didn’t stop until it was dripping from the corners of Chan’s mouth. Even when he was done Chan didn’t want to let him go, keeping him in his mouth until he began to soften, limbs relaxing finally, head dropping to his pillow like he’d passed out.

 _I’ll wake up any second now,_ Chan thought with regret. _No way this is real, no fucking way, no way…_

Sitting up, he watched Felix catch his breath. His eyes weren’t quite closed; under drooping lids he watched Chan watching him. After a quiet minute had passed, he fumbled down for his pants. Chan helped him rearrange himself until he was fully clothed and comfortable.

“Feel better?”

Felix laughed, calmed down, laughed again. “I feel _amazing_. That was… amazing.”

“Good,” he said, feeling happy deep in his bones. “Glad I could help you.” He tried and failed to keep the affection from his voice, only praying that Felix wouldn’t notice. “Sorry I wasn’t your first choice, but I got the job done, right?”

Felix raised his head blearily. “First choice? What do you mean?”

Chan shifted on his knees, intensely aware of his own erection. Again, praying that Felix wouldn’t notice. But of course he did, eyes flicking down and then back up with a smile.

“The guy you like,” he explained. “The one you said you’d ask for help, but couldn’t, ‘cause it’s a secret?” Suddenly he felt unsure. Why was he bringing this guy up? He was ruining everything, ruining the mood, ruining his chance of ever getting to do this again.

There was a pause, then a tired giggle. “ _Hyung_ ,” said Felix. He sat up until they were chest to chest, Felix a little lower down. Low enough to press a kiss to Chan’s collarbone where it peeked out from his shirt.

Then he looked up, grinning so wide it squished his cheeks up against his eyes. His beautiful, beautiful eyes.

“ _Hyung_. Can I tell you a secret?”


End file.
